today was okay. just boring. i woke up at 4am, and then was too lazy to try and fall back asleep. i remember of having a dream of being in a giant mall.
it seemed to be never ending, and i kept getting lost. a lot of people i knew were there, past friends and such. im unsure of what the world is trying to tell me.
if it's trying to tell me anything at all. i eventually fell back asleep and woke up around 9. then i started watching a show called 'girl from nowhere.'
its super good and the girl is really cute. i wish i could be like her. i was too warm in the morning and almost threw up as a result. my head was light and dizzy.

it was super windy today and there was a small rainstorm. i was sad when the sun came back. my mum kept repeating how it was a terrible day.
i watched a film called babel and now i want to do ecstasy in a park. i would be willing to do anything that gives me a rush. people are super annoying.
i feel very motivated to write stories again and that makes me super happy.

sorry for not writing yesterday. bad day.


i woke up at 11am but had a nightmare about my boyfriend where he completely ignored me & was being super kind to his ex-girlfriend. this took place
in a movie theater. two dreams in a row have they taken place in a movie theater. it was super cold and wet and rainy today. my mum hates cloudy days like this, but
they are my favorite. i had another dream about my boyfriend where we were sitting on my front lawn and everyone around us were cleaning. they got mad that
we weren't doing anything and started to harass us. we were then forced to clean while they all mocked and laughed at us. it was weird and i can't imagine the meaning behind it.

my mother ordered pizza because some important football thing was on and i ate a few slices after freaking out about it. i think i'll be fine. my boyfriend is super
kind and understanding about my food obsessions and i couldn't ask for a better lover. my day has been uneventful. i haven't smoked in three days and i miss it. i still have
a spare cigarette that my mum gave me but i never have any time to smoke. they extended lockdown for two more weeks. i hope it'll end soon. im living the same day over and over again
and it is exhausting